Posted by Dirk on March 7, 2010
I’m going to watch the Oscars tonight for the first time in probably two years. Why? I have no idea. Here are my picks for Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Actress.
Best Picture
Avatar - Will most likely win, but shouldn’t. Special effects can’t take the place of a bad script.
The Blind Side – Garbage. Won’t win.
District 9 - Liked it, but won’t win. Great weapons.
An Education – No idea, but won’t win, because Avatar will win.
The Hurt Locker – Might win. Wasn’t really Oscar-worthy, although some of the performances were. Love to see Cameron’s ex kick his ass.
Inglorious Basterds - Why not. Great movie. Lot of fun. Any film referring to some guy as “the bear jew” deserves a shot.
Precious – No.
A Serious Man – No. Not a Coen Brothers year.
Up - Great movie. Won’t win, because it had a story that was interesting, something Avatar doesn’t have.
Up in the Air – No. Love Clooney, but no. Just no.
Best Actor:
Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart – Should win and deserves it. I like Bridges. Acceptance speech is questionable.
George Clooney for Up in the Air – Might win, but shouldn’t for this film. If I was forced to have sex with a guy, I’d go with Clooney, because I think he’d be gentle with me.
Colin Firth for A Single Man – A lot of people want Firth to win, so fine, I hope he wins. Actually I hope Jeff Bridges wins. Sorry Colin.
Morgan Freeman for Invictus – I reviewed this movie and it was half-ass (Sorry Clint). Freeman might win. Good Mandela.
Jeremy Renner for The Hurt Locker - Renner was the best thing about The Hurt Locker. Why not.
Best Actress
Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side - You can’t get a Razzle and an Oscar in the same weekend. NOOOOOOO!
Helen Mirren for The Last Station – Didn’t see it, but love Helen Mirren. This is my pick, but probably won’t win.
Carey Mulligan for An Education – She is the favorite for many, but I can’t cheat on Helen Mirren. Sorry honey.
Gabourey Sidibe for Precious – I have never heard of this person, so perhaps she’ll win. That happens sometimes.
Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia – Jesus, would you retire already and give someone else a chance! Streep could win this year and next year, and in 2037.
Posted by Dirk on March 4, 2010
I’m in the local HEB and decide to use the automated checkout line, something I typically don’t do, because I like to interact with the cheery checkout people. But tonight I throw caution to the wind, and choose not only to ring up my own damn groceries, but to do it in Spanish.
Not knowing one lick of Spanish was a bit of an obstacle, but I did it and it was crazy-fun; makes me wish they had more languages to pick from.
The greatest satisfaction I got out of this experiment was wondering if the people next to me actually thought I was Spanish.
“Hey, check out that Spanish dude, he so doesn’t look Spanish. He’s the whitest Spanish dude ever.”
Posted by Dirk on February 5, 2010
Kudos to my son for a great treasure map, and for stating the obvious, just in case someone finds this thing in a time capsule 50 years from now.
Posted by Dirk on January 27, 2010
If I get another email from moveon.org, I’m going to scream. I voted for Obama, ok? I like him, he’s doing a pretty good job, except that he’s being kind of a pussy on the whole healthcare thing, as are the rest of the Democrats. Don’t even get me started on the Republicans.
I know I could get rid of you guys somehow, but it would most likely take me an hour of trolling through your site to find the “get me the fuck off your list” button…if you even have one.
Just for the record, I don’t have time to write my congressman every five minutes bitching about what’s wrong with our country. There’s a lot that’s wrong with it, and you rich, over-entitled shits are supposed to be fixing it. I’m recycling, and I unplug my appliances at night, so there, I’m doing my part.
Tell you what moveon.org. You pay me five dollars for every letter and email I write, and I’ll write and send emails all goddamn day. Just put the money in my paypal account, and I’ll save it up and donate it to the “Foundation for bigger balls for Democrats.”
Posted by Dirk on December 25, 2009
On a bus to San Antonio. Oh, the humanity. One guy smells like beef jerky, another like cigarettes. A woman drenched in perfume. The sound of crunching plastic wrappers as the occupants open their dinner for the evening. The bus driver finds it necessary to narrate the history of Buda, Texas as we roll by. I pull out the iPhone and plug in some Duke Ellington to drown out the noise. Red lights dot the highway as we pass a Wal-mart, a Petsmart, and dozens of strip malls. The black sky the most interesting aspect of our journey as Duke plays Caravan. To be continued…
Posted by Dirk on November 8, 2009
Gang of Mopeds cruising Barton Springs.
Posted by Dirk on July 26, 2009
We died for your sins.
