Dirk’s 83rd Annual Oscar Picks
Posted by Dirk on February 27, 2011
History has shown that I am horrible at picking Oscar winners, and it is likely that this year will be no different. Nonetheless, I must take the proverbial stab at it. For those of you who couldn’t care less about my picks or the Oscars, I understand completely. It’s certainly an event that takes a certain kind of animal to enjoy. Just as I have mocked the Super Bowl year after year, the very people glued to the half-time show are those that will now roll their eyes and wish that I was denied access to the Internet and a keyboard.
So, here we go! My picks for the 83rd Annual Oscars!
Best Picture: The King’s Speech – If this film doesn’t win, there will certainly be rioting at the post-Oscar Vanity Fair party, including Tom Hooper spiking Jesse Eisenberg’s Martini with ADHD meds (”let’s see how fast you talk now, you little bastard!”).
Best Actor: Colin Firth for The King’s Speech – Firth’s performance was hands down the best of the year, and even without the stutter, Firth could “out act” even the most seasoned American actors; yes, the Brits are better in music and film. Just live with it.
Best Actress: This one is as hard as placing Harry in the correct house at Hogwarts. Note: I would have put him in Hufflepuff; all the pansies are in Hufflepuff, and Potter’s a pansy (you ALMOST get killed by the Dark Lord, and suddenly you’re the “it” kid—give me a break).
It’s no mystery that Natalie Portman is the favorite for this, and months after seeing Black Swan, I too was in the Portman camp (I will agree with Vanity Fair that Annette Bening is definitely the spoiler in this category). Just for fun, I’m going to go “outside the box” and pick Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone. Sure, not many moviegoers have seen Winter’s Bone, but it is a fine little film, and Lawrence was terrific. She is also the one actress in the category in which men are likely to have reoccurring fantasies (just google her for yourself). I am going to get trounced on this pick, but such is life.
Actor in a Supporting Role: This is another one that could go many ways, but I can’t see Jeremy Renner getting it for The Town , and Christian Bale makes my skin crawl. If you’re going by who was absolutely the “best” here, it has to be Geoffrey Rush for The King’s Speech (he also gets points for spelling his first name that weird way). I really want to pick John Hawkes for Winter’s Bone, but I already went with Lawrence (sorry John, she looks better in a swim suit).
Actress in a Supporting Role: Why Hailee Steinfeld is in the Supporting Role category is a mystery for sure. Possibly, the academy wants to give her a statue, but realizes she doesn’t stand a chance against Portman or Bening. Regardless of the mixup, I am indeed going with Steinfeld in True Grit. Anyone that can turn out a first performance of this caliber, deserves a nod. As for the other nominees, with the exception of Carter, you guys were just too whiny.
Best Director: While I absolutely loathe The Social Network (yes, I know I am in a very small group), I’m guessing Fincher will get Best Director. The Social Network will get shut out of most of the Oscars, but they have to give it something.
As for the rest of the categories—who cares; this is the portion of the show where you drink a lot and get laid if the opportunity presents itself.
So, there you have it, The Dirk Show picks for the Oscars. Enjoy! To all you folks that hate the Oscars, remember, it’s just like the Super Bowl, only with less violence and more bad interludes to offset the action.
